october 30.2004 

so... its halloween... yeah.. candy fest for most people...
every year prior to THIS year.. as far as i can recall... i have bought HUGE amounts of candy....none for giving out.. never home to do that... but for US.. me .. kids.. all our favorites..
not THIS year.. nope...
kiddos just showed up with the grandkiddos booty.. spread all out on the ottoman.. i glanced over.. i even rummaged.. was there ANYTHING i would eat i asked...?? nope daughter #2 pronounced.. its ALLLLLLLLLLLL SUGAR...
*L* oh well... no biggy.. HONEST.. i am not craving it.. i am not MISSING it.. amazing ..eh? yeah.. and she ALSO pointed out.. "YOU still have a WHOLE bowl of your bubblegum" hmmmm.. yes.. i do... and i keep it in PLAIN site.. why? i dunno.. so i CHOOSE not to have it.. if its there.. i dont WANT it.. yeah.. wierd.. i've been told THAT a few times..:-)
so instead.. on THIS halloween.. moon and i.. or is it moon and ME(god i HATE the english language..*L* ) well.. WE re-did the entry floor... and the guest bath floor..
now THATS scary,,*grin*
i am increasingly impressed with the ENERGY i have .. i have done more cleaning and organizing than i have done in ... well... maybe FOREVER.. i can BEND now.. i can MOVE now.. i can go and go and GO now..
losing weight is more than LOOKS.... it allows you to LIVE . .. not merely survive..
i love that..

why does my hair color look different in every picture i take.. good god.. same camera... and only days or weeks between them.. weird 

hmmmm. kinda a lazy day... had it pretty much to myself for most of the day...
decided to clean out my office closet.. SCARY... yikes.. what IS that stuff..*L*... okay.. some of daugher and her kids stuff.. lots of moms old stuff.. (why can i STILL not throw some of that crap out???)
i went through some of it.. i found alot of great stuff in the way of old photos and letters that mom had.. even found a couple TELEGRAMS that dad sent mom (before they were married) when he made it back to the states from the war.. how cool.. love those...
i found it sad that there were so few pictures of my mom... she was always ducking the camera.. hands pillows whatever over her face when we would try..
so i have been taking alot of pictures of myself... with my cell phone.. my daughters had a field day making fun of me... but hey.. someday when i am gone.... they too will be looking through my things.. for pictures to remind them of me...
thats one thing that low carbing has done for me... the ability to face a camera...
and the ability to leave memories for my kids.. and grandkids...

taken today... cell phone.. what else? *L* 

sebastian on gazelle


heh,, kinda hard to get on the ol' gazelle when the boy is on it*L*



okay... so.. daughter #1 just called and told me that the health clinic sent a pamphlet "do i have cervical cancer" along with the results of her latest pap.. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH .. yeah... you know OUR life...
OF COURSE its
ABNORMAL...

okay.. DEAR GOD... doesnt ANYTHING happen NORMAL for our family???
she says she will call for an appt when she gets TIME...uh.. HELL no.. she will call TOMORROW or i will do it FOR her...
*DEEP BREATH*
i mentioned... (NAY .. RANTED is more like it) that NANA died from cancer that spread ... no WAY she is going to flippin put this off..
OH HELL NO.!!!..


on a better note... RED SOCKS won! what an amazing series that was.. down 3-0... come back to win 4 in a row.. hey.. i am a yankee fan... but geeeeeeeeeeeze.. ya GOTTA admire the red socks... they just MADE it happen..
impressive as hell...
i havent drank enough water today .. i dont think... kinda a hectic day... lots of running around... did i even EAT dinner? i dont think i did.. its 10:30 at nite... oh.. wait.. daughter made me some kinda ground beef patty thing and i had some cold green beans...*sigh*... i guess i should go grab a salad... i sure didnt do well in my choice of dinner obviously...
but i DID have a breakfast this a.m. with the baby at a resturaunt... and i dont normally EAT breakfast.... so i guess thats why i dont feel very hungry..
gotta suck down some more water.. and do that salad thang...
will do better tomorrow....:-(

the baby and me.... 

i have to say.. the yankees have been a favorite of mine for many many moons... but gosh DARN it... how can ya NOT want the REDSOCKS to win it all... holy cow... some amazing games...

went to town today... took the 2yr old grandson...
got me a skirt..(kinda dressy but in a casual way..*L*) and a pair of black cords... they came with a rinestone buckled belt and they fit great in the legs... but the waist was kinda snug.. GRRRRRRRRRR... i hate not having a waist that fits my proportions... i LOVE the low rise pants.. they fit me SOOOOOOOOOO much better than the regular waist...
not sure if i should take em back.. or exercise more...*L*.. oh .. i'll keep em... they fit great everywhere BUT the waist.. so it will be only a matter of a short time before they are looser... thats been the trend since starting low carb...
HOW amazing it is... 9 months ... and i still am doing this low carb thang... i remember thinking i wasnt sure i could get through a WEEK of it..*L* ... now its second nature..
half of what i bought the baby didnt fit HIM either...*L*.... i guess he is growing finally..*L* ...

i hate mondays!

GOD i hate mondays.. i really REALLY do... it seems that whatever problems we are having .. are MAGNIFIED six zillion percent..(fine. so i exaggerate.. you knew that..*L*)
lets just say that we went to a lawyer today... to try to straighten out financial mess that is SURE to occur because...(its official) honeymoon has quit work... and applied for disability...
now this is good.. cause god KNOWS i worry so flippin much about him doing what he WAS doing in trying to do two.. three jobs at once..
but i tell ya...i just MELTED DOWN today...
lets just say i got my WALKING in ... and that it had to do with MUCH swearing and yelling and getting out of the car and asking.. nay DEMANDING that honeymoon get IN the passenger seat and let ME drive .. cause from the looks of him AFTER the lawyer visit... between the red face... the bulging veins.. the twitching eye.. (he .. not i ) i was NOT going to let him drive home...
grrrrrrrrrrrrr

well... after much standing in the rain and wind without my JACKET... he finally let me walk quite a ways.. grrrrrrrrrr and THEN got in the passenger side...*sigh*.. so give me a flippin GUILT trip... when i am trying to make sure he DOESNT have a stroke .. i practically GIVE him one..:-(
i realize this is hard for him.... its hard on BOTH of us... for many many MANY reasons... and NONE of them really stem from money...but rather i am sure for he.. as well as me... it stems from that GODAWFUL feeling of lack of CONTROL... of his health.. of our business being lost or at least REALLY scaled down... and because of my FEAR of losing him to this GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR NASTY heart problem...

we believe now that vioxx was the culprit... there is NO history of heart problems in his family... and he was HEALTHY as a horse before vioxx... and the reason they GAVE him vioxx was because of a condition that a second doctor says he didnt even HAVE..*sigh*..

i ended up not eating till 5pm... grabbed some ham and rolled it up and ate it on the run..later i had a big salad with a bit of roasted chicken on top... i am CURRENTLY mowing on some califlower and water...
not exACTly great eating today... but considering for the FIRST time in 9 months of low carbing.. i actually thought about grabbing some high carb CRAP just to ...just to... well I DONT KNOW why it crossed my mind... but it sure as hell did..:-(

oh well... monday is over for this week...

time to press on to terrific tuesday...:-)

HOW BOUT THEM STANFORD CARDINALS!!!

What a great game! went down to Pullman to watch Stanford against washington state..
Got front seat tickets in the endzone... with the stanford VISITORS... oh man.. inTENSe to say the least...
Went to watch a good friends kid play.... (ahem... i mean his SON.. who is a young man..*L*)
had a great time.. got to see 72 before the game for a an hour and a half or so.. went to the game.. got rained on.. managed to NOT eat at the game... had some HORRIBLE coffee... got to high-5 a BUNCH of the players who came over to thank us for coming to the game... THAT was great fun.. even got to see 72 smiling like mad after the close call win..
spent the nite in moscow (idaho dork... not RUSSIA) ... way to tired to stop and fight the mad crowds of college kids and people out for dinner... so .. ate microwaved hotdog... melon... and a couple bottles of water...called it good..
today... oh my... SUNDAY BUFFET at the hotel.. amazing.. great food... omelet... bacon.. melon.. salad.. yeah.. totally over ate...but not stuffed.. so called it good..
walked to the stadium last nite from far far FAR away... uphill... dang..
walked today..okay.. i adMIT it.. i didnt want to.. wasnt going to... DAUGHTER #2 bugged me so i did...
honeymoon tivo'd the game so we watched it today.... *L*... we were even on tv... how funny... and for the first time... i didnt cringe at the sight of me on TV.. i just laughed...and asked honeymoon to rewind it..
how cool is that...

ER AGAIN

okay... kinda tired... husband had to go to the ER with chest and arm pain again... this heart problem is really hard to deal with....
they cant find the REASON for the arm and chest pain ... so they gave him more PAIN meds to try to make him not hurt... thats about all they can do they say...:-(

john called ... in utah making another movie...hmmmmm..thinks he may be able to drive down and visit after the movie is done... mid november...
and... being the opportunist i AM.. i decided to ask if he could get us to a BASKETBALL game if we just HAPPENED to fly up...*L*... well... daughter would like to see the KINGS... hmmmm game in about ten days...
course.. plane tickets would be HUGELY expensive without 14 days notice..*sigh*... oh well... its a great thought...
i really hope he can make it down... my daughters and I have a great time with him when he comes....
although i am getting a bit old to hand out drinking shots for two or three nites..*L*... and we DID go all the way from idaho to OLD FAITHFUL ..... in the convertible.... without telling anyone where we would end up... because... we had NO clue we would do it..*L*... the lost weekend we like to call that..*L*

Mr. Baker in the local paper.

Mr. Baker in the Paper..

I have been on the net.. emailing newspapers and fox news trying to get MR. BAKERS story out... so that maybe more donations can be gathered for his medical bills...

MR. BAKER 

Mr. Baker

On the 24rd of september... Heidy called me to tell me that she took Vernon to the hospitol in our town ... he was then sent to CDA idaho.... then life flighted to Seattle washington...
Mr.Baker has a brain tumor..

I tried to let it sink in... i knew that he hadnt been feeling well for a while... but a BRAIN TUMOR? it could not be!
not Mr.Baker...
I met Mr. Baker several years ago... i worked at a store and he was looking for a pair of sturdy shoes... you see he was going to italy.. to retrace his steps...
I was immediately struck by his gentleness.. the sparkle in his eyes.. his sense of humor...
I recall telling him he should have gone back to italy 50 years ago and retraced those steps..
i didnt know his story then... and yet... i was REALLY impressed with this kind and gentle man..
i joked with him for several minutes.. and then my boss took me aside and mentioned that HE was MR. BAKER..
oooooh i said? and...?
CONGRESSIONAL MEDAL OF HONOR RECIPIANT ..MR. BAKER..oooooooh i said...
thats nice...
anywho.. i then asked him for his autograph...*L* he endulged me this as if i were silly...
hmmmm humble too...
At any rate... a few years later my family became friends with MR. Baker and his wonderful wife Heidy...
they are really sweet .. generous... and kind people... they are warm and funny and i have NEVER had as much fun as i have had watching those two tell stories...
Heidy called me last week ... cheerfully telling me that Mr. Baker had come through the surgury and was doing great.. she sounded so relieved...
i was SO happy to hear it... and happy to hear the happiness and relief in Heidy's voice..

Heidy emailed me last nite that Mr.Baker is in a rehab facility now... i dont know why.. or for how long..
she said things arent good...

but i know she is worried... and scared..

and since i have a husband that had five bi pass surgury and it didnt work...i know that fear...
its terrifying to think you could lose the man you love...

I pray that Mr.Baker recovers completely... because... i KNOW he still has lots of stories about he and heidy ... and i cant wait to hear them...
GET WELL MR. BAKER.
(i know he wants me to call him Vernon.... i just cant seem to do it...;-) ... besides... its a term of RESPECT.. and that .. he most CERTAINLY has earned.... even if he had NEVER been awarded..)

http://idptv.state.id.us/dialogue/transcripts/baker.html
http://www.medalofhonor.com/VernonBaker.htm
http://www.medalofhonor.com/VernonBaker.htm

okay... i know i said i wasnt going to watch FOOTBALL and veg this winter.. well... i didnt really MEAN i wasnt going to watch FOOTBALL period.. i meant i wont watch football and VEG this year..
okay... busted! i watched the stupid .. SEAHAWKS .. they PLAYED the first half... they QUIT the second half... and they LOST after a huge lead...
gah! i hate the stupid seahawks... build me up... then back to the stupid team they have been for several years...*sigh*...
that being said... it kinda made me think about this weightloss thang... specifically... the thinking you have it all under control...and then QUITING in the second half...
it theres ONE thing i have learned from reading tons of jounals... its this:
ALOT of people QUIT....
i wonder what causes some to maintain a loss.. and others to gain everything they lost..BACK..
i believe it has to do with the GOAL..
i used to have a goal... it was 113 lbs... ha! YEAH... some silly number i got down to when i was about 25.. RIGHT before i got pregnant with daughter #2...
i dont have that as a goal anymore....
now.. i have HEALTH... and happiness as a goal.... i dont have a number anymore... because i believe if i REACH
that number... i would QUIT...
so i go every day now...eating better.. so that i can PLAY with my grandchildren.. so i can feel GOOD about my appearance.. and so that i can reach the CHEAP SEATs in the rafters to watch BASKETBALL games well into my 70's
i may weigh 113 then.... i may not...
but if i can have good health then... i will consider myself at my GOAL..:-)

RAIN RAIN GO AWAY

its raining again... and its gloomy...
winter is on the way.... it makes me think of winters gone by... winters filled with big bulky sweatshirts... big pots of chili..football and nachos.... sounds GREAT doesnt it?
hmmmm maybe not...
the big sweatshirts were to COVER the results of the FOOTBALL .. CHILI... AND NACHOS..
NOT THIS WINTER...this winter is going to be different..

THIS winter is going to be the year that i get a SHORT ski jacket in a WOMENS style.. not a huge MENS jacket..that goes down to my knees...and it will be WOMENS ski bibs ..not those BLACK ones that the mens style always seem to be...they will be some color... blue.. ? i dunno... but NOT black..*L*

i can watch football without nachos now... without drinking coke... i eat CELERY now... and CALIFLOWER... and little wedges of cheese... rolled pieces of ham.....

people always told me that DIETING is being deprived....THEY WERE WRONG...being overweight DEPRIVED me... deprived me of energy.. of wearing what i like... of ENJOYING life...

so this winter will be different... if you see a short redhead in a SCREAMING bright ski outfit.. wave.. and then get out of my way..*L* i am going to be on that snowmobile.. or fourwheeler..or heck.. maybe even a SLED .. because THIS winter.. i wont be sitting on the couch eating nachos.. and watching everyone else have fun outdoors....

OCTOBER 8 2004

so... this is my new blog...
i have decided to post a journal here to record my thoughts and experiences of lowcarbing...
i have followed a low carb eating lifestyle for the past nine months...
i began in january after watching a show on tv ... LOW CARB REVOLUTION with GEORGE stella http://www.lowcarbchefs.com/.. he inspired me...
after nine months now... he STILL inspires me..
i have gotten inspiration and motivation from alot of people...all people i have NEVER met..
i frequent LOWCARBEATING.COM ... alot of terrific people on that forum.. i know i wouldnt still be doing lowcarb if not for their help and support..
the first 9 months have been relatively easy... i began walking 30 minutes 6 or 7 days a week in june.. i have had a journal here:
http://www.lowcarbeating.com/bb/showthread.php?t=9323 since june,,,
the following posts will document my life.... from this day forward!